Being a Pariah
I am not sure whether to laugh or cry.
I just read a story written by a woman who described how she was received by her community after she suffered a still-birth. Of course, this is nothing to laugh about, as it is an absolute tragedy.
But she said she became a pariah. As if what happened to her would rub off on someone else and they too would lose their baby. Chas Ve'shalom.
So here it is: three things a person can do to become the most dangerous person no one wants to have anything to do with.
1. Admit there are bedbugs in your house
2. Suffer a miscarriage or stillbirth
3. Admit to not vaccinating
Mind you, my kids are healthy. Were they to become sick, they'd be quarantined at home, no matter the illness, whether there is a vaccine for it, or no vaccine for it (there are waaaaaaay more illnesses for which there are no vaccines than the ones that have vaccines). So, even though I am a very responsible parent, I can't even tell people my kids had chicken pox - which everyone knows is a mild disease - because there's a vaccine for it! There are countries that do not give the chicken pox vaccine, because they know the illness is not a big deal. But because it's on the "recommended schedule" of the CDC (which is not "recommended," but is becoming "mandatory") if you don't get it you're evil. It's as if you have rabies, apparently.
Well, that's how I feel about the measles too! Because I live in the USA where we have amazing food, amazing water, and easy access to Vitamin A and whatever else my kids need to get through the measles, should they get them. Death from measles is a statistical improbability in the United States, and has been since well before the measles vaccine was even created. Not too much homework will show you that is true.
So, here's my story. I recently moved into a neighborhood. Made friends. Had them over for Shabbos. Our kids played together. One day, in conversation, the other mom happened to mention something about vaccines, and I mistakenly said "we don't vaccinate." (Our oldest child has a vaccine injury)
The other mom's face fell. She left soon afterwards. I've had no communication from her. I happened to see one of her children in shul a month later and I said, "When will you come over again? My son would love to play with you!" He told me, "My mommy said I need to play with other friends. I can't go to your house anymore."
This is what it has come to.
Until very recently, admitting that we don't vaccinate usually got a reaction of, "I guess you're welcome to raise your children however you want." But now it is "You are not worthy of being treated like a human being since you are obviously carrying the plague."
We have done a LOT of homework. Safety of vaccines has not been proven. We have a victim in our family. In our view, the benefit does not outweigh the risks. Anyone who wants to vaccinate should! And if you vaccinate, you're protected from the illness. Right? So why is my child, or why am I, no longer welcome in your world?
I am grateful for my friends who are not this way. I am grateful for my relatives who are accepting of my choice. But what is happening to our community? It's now "Vaccinate or you don't belong. We can't stand to see you. You are dangerous."
It's bad enough that anti-Semites through the ages thought that way. Now Jews treat Jews that way, over an issue which is private and personal.
I am so so so so sad that this is where we are in our community.
I just read a story written by a woman who described how she was received by her community after she suffered a still-birth. Of course, this is nothing to laugh about, as it is an absolute tragedy.
But she said she became a pariah. As if what happened to her would rub off on someone else and they too would lose their baby. Chas Ve'shalom.
So here it is: three things a person can do to become the most dangerous person no one wants to have anything to do with.
1. Admit there are bedbugs in your house
2. Suffer a miscarriage or stillbirth
3. Admit to not vaccinating
Mind you, my kids are healthy. Were they to become sick, they'd be quarantined at home, no matter the illness, whether there is a vaccine for it, or no vaccine for it (there are waaaaaaay more illnesses for which there are no vaccines than the ones that have vaccines). So, even though I am a very responsible parent, I can't even tell people my kids had chicken pox - which everyone knows is a mild disease - because there's a vaccine for it! There are countries that do not give the chicken pox vaccine, because they know the illness is not a big deal. But because it's on the "recommended schedule" of the CDC (which is not "recommended," but is becoming "mandatory") if you don't get it you're evil. It's as if you have rabies, apparently.
Well, that's how I feel about the measles too! Because I live in the USA where we have amazing food, amazing water, and easy access to Vitamin A and whatever else my kids need to get through the measles, should they get them. Death from measles is a statistical improbability in the United States, and has been since well before the measles vaccine was even created. Not too much homework will show you that is true.
So, here's my story. I recently moved into a neighborhood. Made friends. Had them over for Shabbos. Our kids played together. One day, in conversation, the other mom happened to mention something about vaccines, and I mistakenly said "we don't vaccinate." (Our oldest child has a vaccine injury)
The other mom's face fell. She left soon afterwards. I've had no communication from her. I happened to see one of her children in shul a month later and I said, "When will you come over again? My son would love to play with you!" He told me, "My mommy said I need to play with other friends. I can't go to your house anymore."
This is what it has come to.
Until very recently, admitting that we don't vaccinate usually got a reaction of, "I guess you're welcome to raise your children however you want." But now it is "You are not worthy of being treated like a human being since you are obviously carrying the plague."
We have done a LOT of homework. Safety of vaccines has not been proven. We have a victim in our family. In our view, the benefit does not outweigh the risks. Anyone who wants to vaccinate should! And if you vaccinate, you're protected from the illness. Right? So why is my child, or why am I, no longer welcome in your world?
I am grateful for my friends who are not this way. I am grateful for my relatives who are accepting of my choice. But what is happening to our community? It's now "Vaccinate or you don't belong. We can't stand to see you. You are dangerous."
It's bad enough that anti-Semites through the ages thought that way. Now Jews treat Jews that way, over an issue which is private and personal.
I am so so so so sad that this is where we are in our community.
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